Eppes Men 0
by Stellarsiren
Summary: The Eppes never should have taught Millie to play Spoons. Or make a wager...
1. Chapter 1

EPPES MEN 0

Disclaimer: I do not own "Numb3rs." I just play in their sandbox when I get the urge to.

AN: This story is the result of two writing ideas on the Challenge thread at FanRush for "Numb3rs." They came together to make one very tenacious plot bunny. Reviews are appreciated.

Chpt. 1 "The Bet"

It had been…well, okay, not really **that** many years, but still it had been a decent amount of time since he'd last been in this position, and one could say he bore more than philosophical objection to being reacquainted with the concept. Of course years ago he had to admit he had done it willingly, albeit very inebriated. This time he was doing it sober and unfortunately his sons had been dragged in to doing it too. And it was all because of a silly wager made with one Mildred Finch.

Alan Eppes should have known better than to challenge the good doctor and Charlie's boss to a game of Spoons after he, Charlie, and Don taught her to play. After all she had won every game of poker, chess, gin Rummy, etc. she played with them. Why should they expect her skill to be any less when playing with cutlery?

Damn his pride! As he and the boys taught her the game, he thought he finally saw a bit of good, albeit confused concentration on her part. Since the woman had teased him, Charlie, and Don over their games scorecard, he thought why not challenge her and make a wager.

"All right. Name the terms," Millie said.

"If we win, you have to…" Alan glanced at Charlie and Don for assistance. As it was he hadn't yet thought of what he could wager.

"Dress like a nun for a week," Charlie suggested. Don, Alan, and Millie stared at him. "What? Everyone knows she's not that innocent."

"Remember who grants you access to the super computer, Professor Eppes," Millie said after a moment in a dangerous, singsong way.

"A nun, Charlie?" Don asked.

"Hey, if we're betting, we may as well make it good."

"Good doesn't have to include humiliating," Alan said, glancing at Millie to get her reaction to where the conversation was going.

"Oh, I don't think having to dress as a nun for a week is humiliating," she said, smiling in a way that let Alan know she was still having fun.

And challenging the Eppes to do their worse. In the end, the bet was if Millie lost, any time Alan, Charlie, or Don saw her and said "Nun," she immediately had to start singing "Amazing Grace," or "All Things Bright and Beautiful," no matter what she was doing. Then after a verse she had to explain why she suddenly burst in to song. If Millie won, then the Eppes had to attend a certain annual event and let the people they worked with or taught know and invite them to watch.

"Of course they also have the option to participate if they want to," she added after naming her terms. Millie thoroughly enjoyed the Eppes' wide-eyed expressions. "Why Agent Eppes, I believe you're blushing!" She then looked at Alan and Charlie who fared no better than Don.

"So gentlemen," she used the term lightly. "Do we have a deal?"

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"Way to go, Dad."

It was late. Millie was gone having beaten the Eppes men yet again and now the three had a couple of months before they made good on the final part of their wager.

"I'm not the one who started suggesting outrageous wagers," Alan said.

"You didn't stop it," Don replied.

"How was I supposed to know she'd beat us?"

"Again, you mean? Given that she's beaten us at every other game. You failed us on that one, Buddy," Don said to Charlie. "I think you were too busy imagining your boss in a habit to remember the odds."

Charlie held up his hands. "Don't blame me. I'm not the only Eppes here who played with her."

"Still—"

"Don, Charlie, enough!" Alan had enough of the bickering. "What's done is done. At least we have some time to get used to the idea."

"I don't think I'm ever going to get used to it," Charlie said.

"Me neither," Don echoed the sentiment.

Alan remained silent.


	2. Chpt 2 No EscapingPart 1

Chpt. 2 "No Escaping—Part 1"

"You're not serious."

Alan looked up from the blueprint he had been studying. It was the following day after the bet and he was at work. And as he promised for the bet, he told Stan all about it. His partner had a dumbfounded expression.

"Afraid so," Alan said after a moment.

"After all these years you're going back?"

Alan nodded. "You're invited to come along and watch. Or it could also be like old times," he said.

Stan laughed. "Thanks. But if I go, it will be as spectator only."

"Fair enough." Alan looked back at the blueprint.

"Are you going to tell anyone else?" Stan asked after a moment.

"Part of the bet. By the time I leave today my bowling team will know, and so will Thomas, Fred, and Alex." The last three were golfing buddies of his that Stan also knew and sometimes played with on the course.

"You poor schmuck!"

"Don't I know it." But he was grinning.

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Charlie knew the probability of his wriggling out of the bet was very low, but he had to hope. Of course, the only ways he figured on being to do so were being deathly ill or somehow convincing Witness Protection to take him in. Charlie was grasping at straws.

"There's no escaping this time, Professor Eppes."

Charlie spun away from the board at the familiar voice at the door. "Dr. Finch, what an unexpected surprise."

It was a few days after the bet. So far Charlie hadn't said anything to any of his students or the faculty. Even Amita didn't know and for once since his return, Charlie was glad Larry was secluded at the monastery.

"Millie, I just want to let you know that I will be informing our colleagues and the students about our wager. I just need a little more time to figure out how."

Millie blinked and stifled a small laugh. "I'm pleased to hear that, Dr. Eppes. But I am not here about our bet. I'm here because yet again you are dangerously close to being late for the faculty meeting today."

Charlie released the breath he hadn't realized he was holding. "It's today?" he asked with a frown.

"Yes, and it starts in three minutes."

"All right. Thank you for stopping by to remind me," Charlie added, deciding he could be gracious since she hadn't said anything about mentioning the wager at said faculty meeting.

"You're welcome. Oh, and thank _you_ for reminding me about our wager. I think the faculty will want to hear all about it." Then before she gave the gaping professor a chance to respond, she was gone.

Damn she was good!

Shaking his head, Charlie gathered what he would need for the meeting. He wondered briefly how Don was faring in fulfilling the bet. Knowing his brother, the FBI agent was probably trying to figure out how he could get out of the inevitable event. Well, no FBI case was going to get Don out of this! The question was, how could he make sure?

"Charlie, hurry up!" Amita appeared at his door. "We don't want to be late."


	3. Chpt 3 No Escaping Part 2

Chpt. 3 "No Escaping-Part 2"

As faculty meetings went, it was the standard hour of each professor reporting how he or she was meeting the guidelines set forth by the various departments. It was also the hour where Millie outlined her agenda and informed the staff of the various committees to which they were assigned. Charlie never liked this part; somehow, no matter how much she swore she understood and accepted the work he did for the FBI, Millie still managed to place him where he knew it would interfere.

"Well, that's all I have to say," Millie said, bringing the meeting to a close. "Does anyone have anything they wish to add?" Her gaze drifted around and settled on Charlie.

He did not notice.

"Professor Eppes?" Amita nudged Charlie to get his attention as Millie addressed him. "Weren't you telling me earlier that you had something you wanted to share?"

Charlie swallowed nervously. He had hoped she would forget, give him more time, but once again the woman proved she had a mind like a steel trap.

"Professor Eppes?" she said again.

"Yes. I did have something I wanted to share," Charlie said. Great. Everyone was looking at him now, including Professor Stanley Novich who recently "skunked" Charlie's office. Of course Charlie had his revenge by making it appear as if Novich's office had been walled in and no longer existed.

"Um…the other day…" Charlie was not about to say night; only Amita and Larry knew of Millie's relationship with his father and he wanted it to stay that way for as long as possible. "The other day I made a wager with our Dr. Finch and I lost."

"Do you have to dress up for a week as a skunk?" Professor Novich teased.

Oh if only!

"No. Dr. Finch said I had to attend this year's Moon Amtrak event." Charlie already looked the event up online the day before thinking it would help him get more comfortable with the idea of what he, Don, and their father promised to do. It did, but only a little.

Still it was interesting to see how the event originated. Apparently some guy offered to buy a drink for all his buddies who ran out to the tracks and mooned the next train. Many apparently did, thus a fun, crazy tradition was born. Now it had escalated in to something that went from morning to night.

And that was Millie's wager.

"And you are invited to attend to watch if you wish. And you can also participate if you want to." Charlie finished what he had to say, fulfilling the first part of the wager.

Looking around, his colleagues had the same expression as he and his family did upon hearing Millie's terms. Perhaps that was an added bonus—at least now everyone would be careful if entering a bet with Dr. Mildred Finch. Then, as Charlie had expected, a few started to laugh. Especially Professor Novich.

"This is even better than having to dress as a skunk for a week! Count me and my camcorder in!" he crowed. Then before Charlie fully realized what he said, the man was gone and the others were getting up to leave.

"Now there's an idea," Millie said getting to her feet. Charlie did not miss the mischievous twinkle in her eyes. "We should make sure there is some record for posterity." Then like Novich, she was gone.

Amita was the last to get up to leave. She came up next to Charlie and gently pushed his lower jaw back in place.

"So, this wager. Is it just you or are your father and Don joining you in the mooning line?" She said it casually so Charlie knew she understood.

"Still Eppes men zero," he muttered. Then, "You'll come, won't you? I think I could bear it more knowing you were there."

Amita grinned. "Sure, I'll be there."

"Thanks. Now I just have to be sure Don can't flake out."

"Do you think he would?"

Charlie snorted. "I think he'd rather be shot at than bare his butt for passing strangers."

"I'm sure Don would consider mooning safer than facing bullets, Charlie."

Charlie wasn't convinced. Leaving the meeting room he headed back to his office. Amita followed before reaching her own.

When he reached his office Charlie found a group of students standing there. They were whispering to each other and two of them held colored flyers in their hands.

"Professor Eppes, have you seen this?"

One of the students shoved a flyer in front of his face. For the umpteenth time in two days his jaw dropped and his eyes widened. How in the world…?

"Jessica was apparently standing outside the meeting and heard you talking about it. Is it true? Are you really doing this?"

Charlie managed to pull his eyes away from the flyer and to the girl who had been talking. Melissa. The professor nodded. "Yes, Melissa. On said date your professor with many others will be mooning Amtrak trains. And as it also says you are invited to watch. Or," Charlie added since Jessica left an important detail out, "you can also participate. Check out the website. Sounds fun."

The students eyed him skeptically.

"What? You think I won't do it?"

"You've never struck us as being the kind who'd be willing to publicly bare any part of his anatomy." That came from one of the male students; one who was apparently mixing his math and bio classes this term.

"Well, I am definitely going to be mooning trains as I said and I hope you will consider attending." Then, getting an idea he asked, "Could I keep that?"

"Sure." The student gave him his flyer.

Charlie took it and went in to his office and pulled out his cell phone. Laying the flyer on the desk he took a picture. Then he sent the picture with a text to Megan Reeves, one of his brother's agents. As an afterthought he decided sending a fax and e-mail would also be a good thing to do. Back-ups. Besides it was the safer way of letting Don's team know of the wager and making sure his big brother couldn't back out.

"Don't you have classes you need to get to?" Charlie said, seeing the cluster of students still standing there at the door. They did not need to hear anything else. In a moment his doorway was empty.

Charlie smiled.

God bless sneaky college students!

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When Megan received Charlie's text she was surprised. Then when she saw what it said and had to put her hand over her mouth to stifle her laughter. The best part, however, was when she received Charlie's e-mail and the fax of the actual flyer came through.

Colby had been the one to find the fax. "Megan, look at this." He brought her the fax figuring she was the safest bet for the moment. If the Whiz Kid was being blackmailed or something, then preparing for the reaction he knew Don would have was the best thing he could do. "What do you think?"

"I think the Eppes lost a wager." At Colby's confused expression she gestured to Charlie's e-mail that was still open on her screen.

Colby leaned down a bit so he could read Charlie's message. After a moment he was howling with laughter. "Aww, man! Glad she's not dating anyone in my family!"

"Or that she's your boss. Charlie must have thought Don would neglect to tell us of their wager, or try to weasel out of it because of the job we have. Charlie doesn't have that option."

Colby understood. "Well, I think we can help Charlie out, don't you? Don has to learn sooner or later that the FBI won't fall apart if he happens to miss a day for 'family obligations.'"

Megan laughed. Then, glancing back at Charlie's e-mail, she saw something she hadn't noticed before.

"Hey, what's got you grinnin' like the cat that ate the canary, Granger?" Megan turned and Colby looked to see David approaching them. The other agents glanced at each other, both relieved it was David and not Don.

"You ever hear of 'Moon Amtrak'?"

"Yeah." David was suspicious. Colby passed him the flyer and Megan pointed to her computer since he hadn't had the chance to check his e-mail recently. "Oh man!"

"That's what I said," Colby informed his partner.

"I think it was more of an 'aww'," Megan corrected.

"Hey, what's going on? Shouldn't you guys be working?"

The three agents had been facing the side of Megan's cubicle so they had not seen Don returning from a briefing with their director. David and Colby quickly returned to their desks and Megan closed Charlie's message. From the speed the agents moved, Don immediately knew they were hiding something. Glancing at each of them, he learned the most from Colby. Colby had his Cheshire cat grin expression and Don knew he only had that expression when he was thinking about sex or that he knew something that would get to him or one of the others.

Oh, he wouldn't! Wait, of course he would!

"Charlie!" He knew he should have spoken sooner!

At Don's outburst his team looked up from the work they were, for the moment at least, pretending to do.

"Is something wrong, Don?" David asked after a moment.

Don rubbed his forehead. "All right, guys. What did Charlie send to you?" He looked at each agent again. The look on his face said they better "cough it up" as it were.

After a moment David produced the fax. Don took it and from the messy block letters written in what appeared to be marker, he knew he was reading a flyer. And, knowing how many flyers students made when wanting to get the word out about something, he knew these were plastered by now on every inch possible on the CalSci campus.

Don chuckled. Poor Charlie! Almost, anyway. Of the three Eppes, his brother would most likely have the bigger audience. "Anything else?" He hoped not, but then this was Charlie.

"He sent an e-mail detailing the terms of the wager," Megan answered.

Don nodded. It made sense Charlie would want to clarify the terms of the wager for the team, especially since said flyer neglected to mention why his brother would be mooning.

Megan, David, and Colby correctly interpreted his look. "Um, Don. He didn't just send it to us," Megan said.

"What do you mean?" Don already knew from the way her shoulders stiffened he was not going to like the answer.

"Looks like he sent it to the entire office." That was Colby.

"Not just the office, Colby," David said. "The entire FBI."

That's when Colby noticed to whom the e-mail was sent. Oh man. Colby looked at David and they both looked at Megan. A thumping sound let them know Don was finally at his desk and checking his e-mail. Then they heard a hissing sound. Slowly the three agents looked over at Don.

He was seething and they could see his teeth were clenched together. All the color had drained from his face. Then before they knew what their boss was about, Don sprang from his chair, grabbed his jacket and stormed out of the office. Don was seeing red.

"Do you think we should warn Charlie?" David asked.

"Nah. I'm sure that by the time Don and Charlie run in to each other Don will have calmed down," Megan said. But she did not sound sure.

Colby said nothing. He was still looking towards the hall Don stormed down to leave.

"Did you guys see his nostrils flare?"


	4. Chpt4 A Matter of Self Preservation

AN: This is the final chapter before the Mooning commences. Characters might be a little OOC, but I wouldn't think too much given what Charlie did:)

Chpt. 4 " A Matter of Self Preservation"

"CHARLIE!!" Don barged in to his childhood home, now owned by the soon-to-be-maimed professor. "CHARLIE WHERE ARE YOU?" the agent bellowed.

Alan came out of the kitchen having heard his older son barge in to the house. He tried to get his attention, but Don was on a mission. It was a mission Alan and Margaret, the boys' mother, always had to make sure Don didn't complete.

"CHARLIE!!" Don finished searching upstairs and stormed back down. He started for the garage.

"He's obviously not here, Don."

Don stopped and looked at his father realizing he was there. His target wasn't. Foiled by the little genius again! The agent snorted. "Guess he figured he'd be safer if he stayed at work until I calmed down."

"It seems to have worked," Alan said tentatively.

Don looked up, his eyes flashing and nostrils flaring. Nope, Charlie's plan hadn't; Don's nostrils only flared when he was really, really in a rage.

"Tell me what your brother did," Alan offered, although he had a pretty good idea what his youngest did to get Don so riled. Ignoring Don's protest, Alan guided him to the couch where the agent immediately flopped down and leaned his head on his hand. "Donnie?"

"He faxed a flyer some student made announcing the event to the office."

"I see." He waited for his son to continue. When he didn't Alan said, "If a student made flyers then the entire campus is going to know. He only contacted Megan, Colby, and David, right?"

"Oh he did that, and then some!" Don muttered.

"What?"

"I emailed Megan an explanation in regards to our wager to clarify the flyer."

Alan and Don looked towards the door. They hadn't seen or heard Charlie entering the house.

Like lightning Don sprang from the couch before Alan could hold him back. "Come here you twerp!!" he all but snarled as Charlie's eyes widened and he bolted.

"Boys! No running in the house!" Yes, it wasn't technically his house anymore, but some reactions would always be automatic. Especially when Don was in a rage and determined to get his hands on his brother.

Charlie ran to his refuge in the garage. However, he soon realized it wouldn't protect him from his very angry brother. Don soon had him trapped between his desk and one of his many chalkboards.

"Why'd you do it Charlie?" Don tried to force his brother around the desk until the mathematician was in easy reach.

"Do what Don?" Charlie countered, easily dodging as his brother tried to lunge for him over the desk.

"You know what!" Don seethed. He had hit his lower abdomen against the desk as he lunged.

"Had to do it bro!" Charlie shouted as he ran back in to the house and through the kitchen.

Don ran after him, ignoring the pain. He quickly caught up to his brother as they pounded up the stairs. Again he lunged for his brother, but it seemed Charlie had all of a sudden turned into some nimble creature of the forest! Charlie weaved and ducked around him heading back down.

"Chuck when I get my hands on you-!"

"Idle threat, Donald!"

"Charlie! Don! Stop it this instant!" Alan tried to step between his sons as they came down the steps. When that didn't work, he opened the door to the backyard and waited until his sons stopped running circles inside and took the circles outside. Maybe if he were lucky, one or both of them would fall in to the koi pond. Or maybe once they were outside he would just turn the backyard sprinklers on full blast. After all, the fish didn't need to be traumatized.

Charlie saw the open door and ran out, Don at his heels. Neither of them noticed their father stepping out and turning on the sprinklers. Unfortunately Don tripped on one as they came on and fell. He landed hard on the ground, the wind knocked right out from him.

"Donnie!"

Charlie stopped running when he heard his father's concerned shout. Turning, he saw why Don had not tackled him. His brother was on the ground on his back and getting completely soaked. 

Since he was physically closer, and also somewhat wet, Charlie went over to Don. His brother's eyes were closed, water dripping down his face. His breathing seemed normal…

Normal?

Before Charlie could spring to his feet, Don reached out and pulled Charlie down and trapped his arms.

"Gotcha!"

"Don!" Charlie whined.

Alan shook his head in disgust. There were his two grown sons wrestling and rolling around on the ground getting wet and muddy.

"Hooligans!" he muttered, shaking his head. Then,

"ENOUGH!!"

Finally! At last his sons heard him and stopped fighting. If the previous moments hadn't been so worrisome, Alan might have been amused at the way the angry fire left Don's eyes and he moved as if he were coming out of some sort of trance. But now, it was his turn to be angry.

"Charlie. House. Now. And take off your shoes and socks before you enter." His tone brooked no argument.

Charlie glanced at Don and saw him looking back. "Ooooh boy. I'd hate to be you," he whispered.

Don tilted his head. "He summoned you first, Chuckie!"

Charlie scowled, but before he could make any smart comeback, their father called him again. He knew better than to ignore a second summons. Swallowing he approached the house feeling the daggers Don shot at his back. He saw his father watching his movement, arms folded across his chest, the recognizable stern parent glare directed at Charlie just then. Yeah, he and Don were in for it!

"Don't look at me like that, Charles Edward Eppes!" Alan warned.

Charlie sighed and removed his shoes and socks. He at least had to try his famous "hurt puppy" expression that had gotten him out of many scoldings in the past.

"You aren't ten years old, Charlie," Alan said as if reading his son's mind.

"Hey Dad! Think you could turn off the sprinklers?" Don called. The agent had not moved at all, knowing that to do so under the circumstances might mean death.

Alan looked at Don as Charlie started to enter the house. He quickly stopped the younger man by grabbing hold of his ear.

"Owww! Dad!"

"Never mind!" Don retreated. Their Dad rarely went for the ears. Oh man!

"You stay there," Alan ordered with a knowing grin. Then, still holding Charlie by the ear, he steered him inside.

"Ow, ow, ow, ow!"

"Stop it, Charlie. I'm not holding you that tight." Alan closed the door behind them. Then after a moment he released his son's ear. "Now," he continued as Charlie tenderly checked his ear, "You are going to go upstairs, bring a towel and a change of clothes for your brother. Then you are going to do the same for yourself and then you are both going to sit at the table and work this out like the men you are instead of the boys I just witnessed in the backyard!"

"Yes, Dad." Charlie meekly went to do his father's bidding.

Now it was time to deal with the other one. Turning to look outside he watched Don for a moment standing there, still getting soaked. Yet he was still in the same place, hadn't moved an inch.

Alan opened the door and stepped outside. Don saw him, but did not move to go in. Nodding his approval, Alan turned off the water and Don nervously approached him. When he reached his father and the house, Don removed his shoes and socks as Charlie had done and as their father wanted. Then he waited. Alan did not grab hold of the agent's ear, which surprised Don, yet he wasn't about to give his father a chance to second-guess.

"Dad, I—" Don started.

"Inside. Now."

Don quickly obeyed but waited for the next directive.

"There should be a towel and change of clothes for you, probably on the couch by now. Go dry off and change, and then meet me and your brother at the table."

Don knew which table. "Dad, I…it was a matter of self preservation."

Alan softly smiled. "I understand, son. That still doesn't give you permission to kill your brother. Now…"

Ten minutes later the three Eppes sat at the table, but nothing was being said. So far it had just been a glaring contest between brothers.

"My patience is wearing thin, boys," Alan warned.

"Charlie started it," Don said.

"That's mature, Don!" Charlie retorted.

"You did, though."

"Only to make sure you couldn't weasel out of the bet!"

"What makes you think I would have?"

"Because you're always getting out of things?"

"Hey, I went to Aunt Irene's party last year, didn't I?"

"Just barely!"

"Charlie! Don!" Alan had about all he could take. It was at moments like this he really missed their mother. Really missed her. "I want the both of you to get this through your thick skulls. We all made the wager. We lost. And we will…moon when it is time to moon. Do I make myself clear?"

"Yes, Dad," his sons chorused.

For a moment peace reigned.

"Did you have to send your email to the entire FBI?"

"Just a matter of self preservation, Don."


	5. Chapter 5 Everybody MoonPart 1

AN: Okay. Tried to end this with one chapter, but it looks like it might be a 2 part thing. I have a very vicious plot bunny…

Thank you to everyone who's read the story. And I appreciate the reviews I've received:)

Chpt. 5 "Everybody Moon-Part 1"

**Train 1, Northbound. 7:35 AM**

The first train to roll was scheduled to arrive around 7:35 am. The Eppes and the other early mooners were in position by seven. Most of the EMs—as Charlie decided to call them—were volunteers that spent the day before putting up tape so people would not park their cars, motorcycles, or RVs along the fence along the tracks. From the snippets of conversation the professor overheard, several of the volunteers had been coming to the event for years.

"It's just one big fun party!"

"'Cept you gotta keep the alcohol in the saloon."

Charlie yawned. He, Don, and their father had left the house at—pun absolutely intended—the butt-crack of dawn in order to get to the site. Charlie tried to catch a few extra winks on the way, but he had never been the type to be able to sleep when in a moving vehicle. Don on the other hand was able to.

"Wake up, Professor Eppes," Millie said, gently shaking his shoulder. While she had thankfully not spent the night at the house, she had arrived at four-thirty in order to accompany the men.

"I'm up," Charlie grumbled.

"Of course you are," Don said, dropping a handful of ice cubes from the cooler they brought down the back of Charlie's shirt.

Charlie yelped as the ice made contact with his skin. Jumping to his feet, he started hopping and turning, trying to dislodge the ice. Don was laughing, Millie was stifling hers and shaking her head, and their father was trying not to laugh.

"Very funny, Don." Even though it had been a little over a month since the infamous FBI e-mail and scene in the backyard, Don was still managing to get payback.

"Just wanted to make sure you were awake for the first train," Don said innocently. His attention was on Charlie so he did not see their father sneaking up behind him, ice cubes in hand. "Don't even think about it, Dad," Don said without turning. Unfortunately for the elder Eppes Charlie's expression had given away his location and intent. "After all, it wouldn't do to irritate an armed FBI agent."

Alan froze as Millie laughed. He quickly disposed of the evidence. "I have no idea what you're talking about, Donnie," he said, patting Don's shoulder with the non-ice hand.

"Uh-huh."

"Hey, I thought you weren't going to bring your gun," Charlie said. "After all, you are off duty."

"Law enforcement is a twenty-four hour gig, Buddy. You should know that by now."

Charlie shook his head.

A train horn sounded.

"Hey everyone! First train's comin'!" At both everyone moved to the fence to get in perfect mooning position.

Well almost everyone.

"Come on, boys," Millie prodded. "Too late to get out now. Oh, and Don, I know the office won't be calling you for any cases today so you will not be able to use work as an excuse to leave before the last train. And before you go hurting my professor, your father told me. Now, to the fence. Both of you."

Don and Charlie looked at each other, both mouths agape. They already knew Millie was a tough bird, but they had never heard her bark any order before without at least some gentleness to it. Looking to their father they saw he was already nearing the fence. Well, at least he was dragging his feet…

"Come on, now," Millie said again and she ushered both to where their father stood. "Don't look so glum, chums. Think of it this way; once the first train has gone by, there are only thirty-four trains left."

**Train #4, Southbound 8:41 AM**

By the time the third train went by with the passengers trying to snap what photos they could of the people mooning, Charlie and Don had loosened up a bit. They were even starting to have some fun. More people had arrived and joined the very early mooners bringing more camaraderie and laughter. Some of it was still a bit sleepy sounding.

"Good morning Dr. Finch. Professor Eppes, hello."

Charlie grimaced. He had almost forgotten Professor Stanley Novich's declaration. For the last month, the bio professor had said nothing to him.

"Hello, Professor Novich," Millie greeted. "I see you brought your camcorder as promised."

Stanley Novich was grinning from ear to ear. "Indeed I did! You still wanted something captured for posterity, didn't you?" For a moment he sounded worried.

"I did. And thank you," Millie said. "Why don't you get things set up? The fourth train will be along shortly."

"You're seriously going to let him film this?" Don asked, glaring at Charlie who had failed to mention someone, particularly the man who skunked his office, would be taping the event with them as a major point of focus.

"He's here for my butt, Don, not yours." As soon as the words came out, Charlie realized how wrong they sounded.

"That was gross," Don said. Then, "Well, as long as you're the main attraction, then I guess I don't mind being in the background."

"Thanks, Don," Millie said. "Alan?"

"I don't mind," Alan said. "Besides, I don't think he'll be the only person here today filming."

"Probably not," Millie agreed.

"Great." That was Don.

"Okay, I'm ready!" Novich informed them.

"Shoot me now!" Charlie grumbled.

"That's the point, Professor Eppes."

**Train #7, Southbound Metrolink 10:34 AM**

"Novich, if you try climbing over the fence again to get your shots, I am going to break your camera!"

Don only thought he had been comfortable with the idea of Novich filming Charlie and getting him and their father in the background every now and then. But the biology professor was becoming a nuisance! With the last two trains he tried to cover every angle; establishing shots with the parked vehicles and people milling about and those further down the fence, and many close-ups and extreme close-ups of Charlie.

At first Don found it amusing, but when the professor started climbing the fence to get better "moonshots" Don had enough. Unfortunately it was after ten and, as Charlie informed him, there were more people and that meant that if Don wanted to waste the energy to go after Novich, there were more people to dodge. And the professor was surprisingly fast.

"Charlie! Mr. Eppes!" a familiar voice called.

"Amita!" Charlie could see her in the crowd over near the saloon. He left their sitting area near the fence and went over to meet her. "I'm glad you finally made it," he said, giving her a hug.

"I would have been here earlier, but I had to make a stop first," she said, looking around. "Now where did he go?"

"He?" Charlie hoped it was who he thought it was. The next moment proved it as a very familiar person with a very familiar perplexed expression approached him and Amita.

"Am I hallucinating, or did I just see Don Eppes in pursuit of Stanley Novich?" Larry Fleinhardt asked.

"You saw it, I'm sure," Charlie answered, resisting the urge to hug his friend and mentor. The last time he tried, Larry had just returned to earth and explained he had to do some decompressing before returning to society at large. "Professor Novich has been recording the event and trying to get some shots that Don finds intrusive."

"I see."

"So, it's good to see you Larry. How did Amita convince you to leave the monastery?" Charlie asked after a moment.

"She explained the nature of your wager with Mildred and I thought I would come and show my support. Of course now, seeing all these people…"

"How many times do I have to tell you, Larry, it's Millie!" Millie had seen Amita arrive and came over after giving the two professors some time to say hello. It pleased her to see that Amita thought to include Larry and that the eccentric professor agreed to tag along.

"My apologies, Millie."

"It's all right, Larry. And it's good to see you out and about."

"Thank you. I admit, I was not aware of how popular this event was."

"It is pretty astounding," Millie said, leading Larry over to their sitting area. Charlie and Amita followed.

"Hello, Larry," Alan said when he saw the professor. "Coming out to support Charlie?"

"And you and Don."

"Speaking of Don, he better get his butt back here in the next ten minutes," Charlie said, hearing the tell tale train whistle in the distance. In approximately two minutes, everyone would be able to see the train though it would still be a good distance.

"Here he comes," Alan said. Sure enough, a minute later Don returned, completely out of breath.

"Where's Novich, Don?" Charlie asked when the professor didn't show up after him.

"Hiding in the saloon probably," Don answered before taking a swig of bottled water. "Don't worry, I didn't hurt him. He'll probably be back when the train comes, camera rolling."

So until that time, the group listened to what they could of Larry's experience in the monastery thus far. Then, as the 10:34 train came closer, Don, Charlie, and Alan returned to their position on the mooning line. And that's when Professor Novich returned with his camera.

"Perfect timing," Don said with a fake smile.

Novich coughed and fumbled with the camera a bit, trying to get things ready. "Professor Larry Fleinhardt, how are you?" he asked after a moment, finally noticing the other man.

"I'm doing all right, Professor Stanley Novich."

"That's good to hear. I suppose you know Professor Eppes defended your title very well while you were gone," the bio professor said, referring to the poker tournament a while back.

"Yes, I heard."

"Too bad he's not that lucky when playing with Dr. Finch." Novich was only guessing Charlie Eppes had lost the wager by playing some sort of game.

"From my understanding, Charles didn't lose the wager by playing cards."

"Oh? Then what game?"

"Spoons."

"Spoons?"

"Hey Larry!" Charlie called before Larry could give Novich all the details Amita shared. "You wouldn't want to join us, would you?"

"No, Charles, I do not," Larry answered. "I came to watch."

"How much you want to bet he decides to participate if Megan shows up and wants to?" Don whispered to Charlie.

Charlie laughed.


	6. Chapter 6 Everybody MoonPart 2

Chpt. 6 "Everybody Moon—Part 2"

**Train #14 Northbound 2:18 PM**

By two in the afternoon, several things had happened that the Eppeses would always remember, and not just because Novich was filming. First, several of Charlie's students from CalSci started to arrive. Charlie recognized Jessica Paxton, the girl responsible for the flyers, Melissa Reynolds, one of the students who had been at his office the day of the faculty meeting, and--

"Hey Charlie!" a very familiar gangly youth called, waving.

"Oswald. How've you been?" Since the case with the voting machines, Charlie had only seen and spoken with Oswald Kittner every now and again. Thankfully sans FBI.

"Doing good! Man, I can't believe you're actually going through with this!" The young man took in the crowd, the different group areas, and vendors. Yes, there were vendors.

"Well, it's not like I had much of a choice," Charlie said. "So, how long will you be staying?"

Oswald shrugged. "Not sure. I rode down with Melissa and Casey. Mel said something about a few hours. You know we're here to support ya man." He clapped Charlie on the shoulder.

"Thanks." Wouldn't anyone else be joining them? So far, Larry and Amita and the people his dad knew only watched, and Novich flat out refused to join the mooning line.

"After all, someone has to do the filming," Novich said with an air of great self importance.

"I'm sure Larry or Amita or I could take over for a moment," Millie offered.

"No, no. This is my job." Novich was starting to get on everyone's nerves.

"Hey Charlie, are Don's FBI buddies here yet?" Oswald asked suddenly.

"Why?"

"I just figured since you told CalSci, and Dr. Finch said your brother was involved, that he would have told the FBI and he'd have people here for him," Oswald explained with a shrug.

"Well, he did tell the FBI. I don't know if anyone will be here, though. I know he's hoping...least I think he is," Charlie said. "My Dad's business partner and other friends are here though."

A train whistle blowing stopped further conversation. Charlie and Oswald headed over to the Eppeses' area which was crowded with Alan's friends, Larry, Amita, and Millie, and...fifty CalSci students or more? They heard Novich complaining about it being too crowded. Charlie ignored the bio professor and joined his father and brother along the fence again for the 1:27 train.

"Casey! Mel! Oz, come on!" Jessica called. She was further along the fence preparing to moon.

Alan and Don glanced at Charlie, both smiling. "Looks like we've got our first moon-a-longs," Alan said.

"Yeah, it does."

Sure enough, Melissa, Casey, and Oswald were joining Jessica. Of course they could hear Melissa swearing she was only going to moon the one train. Oswald looked their way and gave the Eppeses a thumb's up. All of it had been caught on camera.

"See, Professor? Even the students are joining in," Millie said. Novich just "hmmphed."

The 1:27 train came and slowed down as it went by. The mooners saw the cameras inside and waved. Charlie laughed as a relatively new mooner lifted their small dog so it, too, was mooning the train. The look in the dog's eyes was priceless.

Don looked to see what had his brother laughing. "You've got to be kidding!"

"That's what happens sometimes," Alan said, although neither of his sons caught it.

Another thing that Don and Charlie learned, and Novich was disgusted to have caught it was that sometimes the drivers of the train would moon as well. Novich had been recording from an angle facing the on-coming train and captured the moons through the window.

"Yecch." Novich shuddered.

"Reconsidering?" Millie asked.

"No."

After the 1:27, the southbound 1:39 was well on its way. It was during its passing that David Sinclair, Megan Reeves, and Colby Granger arrived. There were also a few more agents wandering about, and Don and Charlie were only able to tell they were agents because they looked very stiff and too serious despite the summer clothing they wore.

"Well, it looks like everyone is here now," Alan said as the FBI agents he knew and practically considered family made their way over.

"Sure does," Don agreed.

When the agents made it, they were surprised, yet also thrilled to see Larry.

"Dr. Fleinhardt, it's good to see you again," Colby said. "Out for good?"

"Glad to see you're out and about, Larry," David said.

"It is a pleasure to see you both. And no, I'm not out for good yet. Amita was kind enough to fill me in on what was happening and I came to support my colleague and his family," Larry explained.

"So that means I'm just lucky then to see you?" Megan asked, pretending to be hurt. Her greeting had been before the guys and it had been short due to the momentary shock.

"I admit the possibility of me seeing you was something I dared not hope for," Larry said. "Not because I didn't want to see you, I just wasn't sure I should, least not yet given how I made myself absent in your return. However, it seems the Fates have declared that our orbits should meet again." Then, completely forgetting where they were, who was with them, and surprising Megan with being so open, Larry gently kissed her on the lips.

"All right, Fleinhardt!" Colby clapped, bringing the physicist and agent back to reality.

"That was disturbing," Novich muttered.

Unfortunately David, Don, Colby, and Charlie heard him. And that's when the agents saw the camera.

And Colby went for the camera.

When the 2:18 rolled by, Novich was no longer filming. Instead he was on the fence mooning with the Eppeses, Megan, Larry (Don had been right!), Colby, David, Oswald, Jessica, Melissa, Casey, and a few more CalSci students who had decided the event looked fun after all.

Amita and Millie still watched. They also made sure Novich stayed at the fence until the train passed; it turned out to be easier than Millie thought. All she had to do was threaten to go to the Head of the Biology Department and say Novich showed very little support for a fellow CalSci professor, even if said professor worked in another department.

As for filming duties? They passed to Agent Ian Edgerton who had received the infamous FBI e-mail and found the group a minute or two after Don's team arrived and Larry kissed Megan. He intended to just say hello, but saw he had to keep Colby from destroying Novich's camera, and the professor in the process. Well, no one else was trying to hold Granger back.

"You destroy the film. Not the camera itself," Edgerton said, after rescuing the camera.

"Agent Edgerton, we can edit the tape, so please don't destroy it," Millie said shortly after introductions were made. "Or the camera."

"I don't know. I sort of like the idea of having it destroyed," Larry said. "The tape, I mean." Don and Charlie voiced their agreement.

"Are you kidding me? After what you said?" Megan said to Larry and she shot a look at the brothers. Larry shrugged.

Ian grinned. "Actually, if I remember the e-mail correctly, this probably has some good footage on it. Am I right?" he asked, already knowing the answer.

Don and Charlie groaned.

"Agent Edgerton, would you like to take over filming for us for a while?" Millie asked. "I'll bet you have a better aim than Professor Novich here. No offense."

"I definitely have better aim," Ian agreed.

Only Millie and Novich were unaware of why everyone was laughing.

Train #35 11:24 Southbound 

After train 23 at 5:30, things calmed down for the Eppeses. Oswald, Casey, and Melissa left at five after mooning a few trains. Melissa had not, as she declared she would at first, only moon once.

"There's something sort of addictive about it," she commented as the three of them were leaving.

Charlie and Don thought she was crazy. Oswald took a moment before leaving to say he would be in touch with Charlie about school and everything.

"Keep me in mind if something comes up, project wise," he said with a wink towards Don and his team. Then he and the girls were gone.

Don's team left shortly after the "kids." Novich, Ian, and Alan's friends were already gone having left around four-thirty. Novich had taken his camera and tapes, however Amita held on to the ones with footage of the day.

Charlie was glad Amita and Larry stayed longer than everyone else. It had been easier mooning knowing that they were there. Finally around six, Amita suggested she and Larry take off.

"Didn't you say the monastery had some sort of curfew?"

"Did I?" Larry couldn't recall.

Amita and the others chuckled. "Come on Larry. Goodbye Millie. Mr. Eppes. Don, Charlie." She punctuated the last with a kiss that was reciprocated.

"Bye Amita. Larry." Don said.

"Drive safely, Amita," said Millie.

"We'll see you soon, I'm sure. Bye Larry."

"Bye Amita. Larry." Charlie was the last to say his. Then they were gone.

For the last set of trains in to the night, it was just Millie and the Eppeses again.

Now it was almost 11:24. The last train for the evening would soon go by. Most of the crowd from before was gone. Again only a handful of people remained and very few, like the Eppeses, had been there from the beginning. Yet in this group were some of the first mooners who kept their mooning to the night trains only. After all, doing it at night was more authentic since the tradition was started at night.

Don and Charlie were just glad that their mooning marathon was almost over. Yes, it had been fun at times, they would say later. But they were not planning to do it again next year.

Alan, like his sons, had mixed feelings. He had enjoyed himself for the most part and sifted through old memories. He was glad to have had his family and a few of his friends there, but he was pretty sure he wouldn't be mooning again next year either.

"Almost time," Millie said sitting next to him.

"Yep." Alan stared in to the dark. The only light available came from the lanterns and flashlights people brought with them. It was peaceful.

"Alan?"

"Yes?"

"What was the first mooning like?"

Alan looked at her and then at his sons who had been thrown by the question. As he had. "What makes you think I was there?"

Millie smiled. "Your friend Stan and another guy named Greg who was here said you were. They told me while you three were having a break."

"Dad?" Charlie couldn't believe it.

Neither could Don. Then again, maybe he could.

"Okay. So I was here then. Don't remember why exactly, but what was it like?" Alan thought for a moment. "Like right now, except when I was finished mooning, I knew there was a drink waiting for me."

"And you'd already been drinking," Don guessed.

"Yes. But only a little," Alan was quick to say. The boys and Millie laughed. Then, before anyone could say anything else, they heard the train whistle.

"One last time," Charlie sighed as he got in to position. Don and Alan got up as well.

To their surprise, Millie came to the fence and stood on Alan's other side.

"What? Last train," she said at their looks. "Besides, I haven't done this in years!"

"You, too?" Alan was shocked, but less so than Don and Charlie. Well, this certainly explained it all!

"Well, I can't claim to be part of the first, but the fourth through at least the tenth. So," Millie continued as the train rolled in to view, "everyone ready? One last time…"

"Everybody moon!"

FIN

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AN: So, my first multi-chapter "Numb3rs" story has ended. I hope you enjoyed it as much as I enjoyed writing it. Thank you to everyone who has read it and to everyone who has left reviews. 


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